My Devina

My Devina

My Quest For The Multiple Orgasm

My Quest For The Multiple Orgasm

I was not one of those lucky women who always knew what an orgasm was. In my twenties orgasms were RARE and were WORK. In my late teens/ early twenties orgasms were actually non-existent. I LOVED sex, except when it would feel like work, like something was wrong with me, because I couldn’t reach that point everyone else seemed to be talking about. And sometimes, that felt like all the time!

Flash forward to my mid thirties – totally different. I still LOVE sex, but now I have orgasms so many times that some people don’t believe me about how many. I have had to make a partner stop at times so I can catch my breath. And when I first started having multiple multiple orgasms, I didn’t know how to prepare my body and I literally ended up with physical exhaustion from such an amazing experience. Orgasms, for the most part, are no longer work – quite the opposite they are fun and effortless.

How did I get here? It didn’t happen overnight – but I think I figured out the path because I don’t think I should be the only one to have these amazing experiences.

  1. Believe It Is Possible
  2. Take The Time To Know Yourself
  3. Exercise your Skills
  4. Partner with Someone You Trust
  5. Allow Yourself to Receive
  6. Be Present with Your Partner In the Moment

First I had to believe it was possible. That’s the key probably to anything. I was in college, unable to have even one lousy orgasm and I read that women could have two! I was so engrossed with this idea!

Second, I had to get to know myself. Yes, I mean that way!

I will admit – I struggled with this second step. I had been sexually abused when I was younger and I didn’t want to connect with that part of myself. I didn’t want to touch it, I didn’t want to look at it. I really just didn’t want to connect with that part of me.

I have friends who still feel this way. And here’s what I say to them – If you don’t know how to get yourself off, how can you possibly expect to be able to explain to your partner what he (or she) can do to help you get there? Every woman is different, just like every man is, and asking your partner to figure you out, when you won’t take the time to figure you out – is not fair to you or him (her).

At first, when I started learning to touch myself, nothing much happened. Then eventually, after like 1/2 an hour to an hour at times I would finally have a flipping orgasm, on my own. Then after a while – in that same period I would have a second! This was awesome. And for a very long time, this is all I was able to create for myself.

However, I should note that in my twenties I dated two men who were incredibly abusive. And so it is no wonder I didn’t reach my potential with them. I wasn’t psychologically open to being completely present with them.

Once I got out of these relationships, something else was happening too – I had been assigned a Qui Gong move in therapy, that was essentially a Kegel. So for over a year, every day I was doing 100 kegels a day.

Then, I met a guy I had actual chemistry with. And whom I trusted. And it really was as simple as that – I became multi orgasmic. Of course back then, the numbers weren’t so high (because not as many neural pathways had been developed) but it was nice. And fun. And satisfying.

And then I met a guy with whom I had amazing chemistry with – and this is when I realized that another part of my problem with my twenties – I had picked men I didn’t really have great chemistry with. If that isn’t one of our criteria, and I know a lot of women who don’t have it as one, then it’s hard to create chemistry later. Yes, you can create some, but not mind-blowing chemistry that simply gets better as you know each other. With him, I finally achieved orgasm during sex.

But – it got better after that. My next partner was much more emotionally available and present with me. And so sex was even better, the orgasms were much more. And because I trusted him I was able to relax even more.

PLUS – and this is so important! our bodies are really quite amazing. Orgasm doesn’t actually generate from our sex organs – it originates in the spine. And is really just a sensory nerve pathway. So the more we orgasm, the more we play, the easier it is to orgasm, because we have established that pathway.

Now here’s the fun part – where it starts to snowball. Once you have one neural pathway figured out – if you stimulate another part of your body, while orgasming – you will create a second neural pathway that will enable you to orgasms that way as well! This keeps going until a lot of your body can create orgasm – neck, earlobe, breast, stomach, that little elevation of your hip bone – you get the picture.

I now look for chemistry and presence with me in my partner – I need both. I can meet a nice guy, and he’s great on paper. But if our chemistry isn’t right. Or if he’s not emotionally present with me. Then it won’t work – and I feel right back to my twenties when orgasm was work and didn’t happen. Regardless of how successful he is, and how much he proclaims to want marriage and family, if he’s not present with me – then for me at least I can’t be multi orgasmic. And it just ain’t gunna work.

Anyone had similar experiences? What has worked for you?

For more on the orgasm see: The Multiple Orgasm – it isn’t up there with Santa

My Devina

My Devina is a site for women. Someone once described our site as being about "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Orgasm." And we would agree. Our goal is to provide a site of of flirty, sometimes controversial, mostly humorous and informative posts written for everyone to enjoy. So regardless if your relationship status is single, divorced, in a relationship, or It's Complicated, has uplifting and fun content for you.

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Comments (2)

  1. SueDecember 9, 2010
    Sex is definitely much better in your thirties. In my twenties, I was married. I didn’t have the best sex life, and had little hope for it when I got divorced mid-thirties. Then I met someone with whom I had great chemistry, and things changed – to say the least! I think a lot of it is people think of sex as purely a physical act. So, they figure the younger you are, the better it will be. But you really need that maturity and awareness that comes with getting a little older to make it as good as it can be. I couldn’t agree with your post more – very well said!
    • Michelle@MyDevinaDecember 16, 2010
      Thank you Sue! And thank you for sharing your viewpoint. Appreciate it!.

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