To Be or Not To Be: Charlotte
Self Image
We have all had this conversation either externally or internally about which Sex And The City Character we are. Most of us want to be Carrie. At one time, when I was totally corporate, I was totally Miranda. At other times, say in my 20’s, I was totally Charlotte. And recently, given my sex “expert” bloggosphere status, and just my natural nature once therapy released my inner demons – I am a monogamous, Samantha.
So I’ve been in and out of a relationship with my ex boyfriend now for 4ish years. We’ve managed to be friends at times, lovers at times, and just plain I can’t stand you get the fuck away from me, even though I love you frenemies at times.
So – clearly this whole on again off again thing, without any official on again thing gets to be draining after a while. And frustrating – since we both would and have readily admitted that we love each other.
Which I guess answers that question – No. love at times is NOT enough. If we won’t get out of our own way.
Sooooooo. Recently, over cocktails my girlfriend and I decide, OK this whole being Samantha isn’t working (i.e. being OK with having sex without the expectation of more) so let’s try something new. So – be Charlotte. Don’t wear anything sexy. Just be friends. FRIENDS. No CSBF, no making out, no getting naked – just flipping friends.
This seemed like the optimal idea. Sure – why not? What do I have to loose? It’s been years. All these other tactics aren’t / haven’t worked – yes let’s be Charlotte for the next 30 days and see what happens.
Yeah – that worked for all of about 3 days.
Then put 2 glasses of champagne into me and boom – what am I doing? Having sex with my ex. And yep – not caring at all that I am. And oh yeah – telling him I love him, and oh yes, him telling me the same.
Looks like I suck at being Charlotte.
Yes I have the repressed Episcopalian background. But let’s face it – Charlotte was never a sex columnist/blogger. The problem with this plan is – I am a sexual creature who has spent years working at becoming unrepressed. Which means, I am no longer a sexual repressed woman, like Charlotte’s character is. And so, when I am empowered, and want to have sex with a man I love – it’s a little more complicated than that. Or maybe just easier than that.
Although I still seem to end up in the same spot as always. So tomorrow, maybe I’ll try to be Charlotte again. And maybe, just maybe that will last for a whole 4 days.
Or maybe not. Because Samantha would never tell a man she loved him. Or get that response back. So maybe I just need to be true to me, and live in the moment, and fuck the consequences.
Or not. Will see how I feel tomorrow….
For another SATC post see: Sex & The City
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