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Online Dating: eHarmony Deconstruction

Online Dating: eHarmony Deconstruction

About 6 months ago I promised to let you know how the eHarmony adventure was.  So here goes.

When I started I thought that there would be a lot of guys you would expect to be online because they couldn’t possibly attract girls at a bar. And there were.

I thought that there would be guys with no game, who would subsequently not be able to ask me out or get incredibly flustered on our dates.  And there were.

I thought there would be some crazy guys – stalker-ish – and there were.

I thought there would be players, just looking to hook up – like with a lot of the other sites.  And there were.  Only their game was a little different here.  They wanted a little bit of a challenge – but after turning them down for sex 2 dates in a row they all left.  So they were easy enough to spot. Plus they generally drove flashy cars, talked about how much money they had, and always asked to meet for drinks, not dinner, that first date.

But – there were a few guys who would have been happy to keep things going with me. However, I wasn’t into them.

And I was able to test out a few “types” of guys I would never have talked to or mingled with in my every day life. (Like doctors and lawyers, who up until then I had summarily rejected because it was just so cliche.) Occasionally this made for a good date. But I did learn that attorney’s are not for me – they argue with you when you tell them you don’t want another date.

And… there were some guys who gave me hope.

The one thing I wasn’t expecting were men who went through this long arduous hours-of-filling-out-questions process, and told me during the first date they wanted to meet a partner, get married, settle down etc. not really knowing what they wanted.  More than once, when we were clicking – we talked about that in fact – they turned around and decided: nope – gunna just go play with the boys like I was before all this – never mind. (And no it wasn’t a way to get rid of me – they really are not dating anyone seriously, and spending a lot of time traveling and hanging with the guys.)

Dating on a site like eHarmony has it’s own unique potholes.  The first being the chemistry thing.  You can’t tell until you meet someone if you will have chemistry or not.  Although, the two guys I liked the most this past 6 months – I knew before going in that we would probably have chemistry. And we did – very much so.

But other guys – appeared good on paper, were totally “my type” and we had absolutely no spark once we met. To be fair – I am a very aware, chemistry based person, so maybe this wouldn’t be the case for everyone.

The second intrinsic pot hole in the road via eHarmony is that you have already talked about a lot of things (kids, marriage, religion) – you normally don’t talk about for a while when dating organically. So it puts a lot of pressure on everyone – to figure it out right away. And makes it feel a little forced. It’s almost as if you have pushed the verbal intimacy way ahead of where the physical and emotional intimacy is.  And it doesn’t always work out.

My take away so far? It was interesting. I’ve met a lot of men. I could have easily had a date every night of the week if that was what I was after. So definitely a great quantity of men to choose from. However, I’m a quality over quantity kind of girl, and it was a bit hit and miss.  Basically like the upscale bar, only you don’t have to talk a girlfriend into going out to the place your “type” of guy hangs at.

So – will I renew my membership?  Not sure.  For one thing, they really don’t have an unlimited supply of men, and the amount of “stretch matches” in my inbox of late is high.  And, I really don’t know if their process is for me.

However, I probably won’t give up on online dating all together.  Although I may take a few weeks break.  I think online dating makes finding a date, even if it’s not “the one” a lot easier.  So I may try a little more targeted approach or site. Will have to wait and see how I feel in a few weeks.

What about you? What has been your experience on eHarmony?

Here’s another blog about online dating you might want to check out: The ruthless side of online dating,







My Devina

My Devina

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Comments (20)

  1. ChadMarch 7, 2011
    That was certainly a great read. I have yet to try eHarmony, but have tried both Match.com and Zoosk.com. It’s hit or miss from a guys perspective as well. If you get the chance check out my blog. It encompasses a bit of everything as it pertains to dating, women, men, social websites, etc.
    • My Devina
      Michelle@MyDevinaMarch 7, 2011
      Thank you! Always good to get a guy’s perspective. : )
  2. I haven’t tried eHarmony. I’ve tried Match.com and was disappointed. Online dating is good for putting oneself out there, but if you live in a small city… it’s a bit more challenging!
    • My Devina
      Michelle@MyDevinaMarch 22, 2011
      Thank you Angelina. : ) I think I know what you mean – eHarmony tried to tell me that since I live near the ocean, that makes my number of men much smaller! I try to look at online dating as an additional way to meet people. I think that way it doesn’t get so pressure filled. At the same time, given the fact it is a paid service – it’s hard to not expect a lot from it! ~ Whenever I get discouraged, I try to remember that the guy I will end up with is out there somewhere, looking for me too. It is simply a matter of time before we connect.
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