
The Other Woman
The “other woman” We all hate her – That Bitch! Does she not know what we have? Why doesn’t she find her own man? Why did she have to stalk mine? This is commonly what we think/ say if we learn ourselves or our girlfriend’s relationship has a 3rd party involved.
But what happens when you discover that YOU have been the other woman and didn’t know it? I learned a few weeks ago that my on-again off-again ex-boyfriend had an actual girlfriend. When I finally asked him to explain – his explanation actually made things a whole lot worse. Turns out I was the other woman for at least 1.5 years! WOW. Ouch. And double Fuck.
I really had no clue. Dude would call me every time he was in Vegas or on a guy’s trip at night – always missing me. I thought he wasn’t out partying it up or looking for a girl , he was calling me. (Turns out he would just wait until she was asleep and then text me!)
When I asked him about his love life – there were women he dated or made out with on occasion, but never once did he say he had a girlfriend – or someone LIVING with him!! I seriously had NO idea. We’d have lunch, we’d have dinner – he would tell me he loved me. He would text me at all hours of the night or day.
Seriously – no idea someone I had made a home with, loved and hoped would come round to working through his shit one day if I just gave him space, was in fact in an other relationship with someone who thought she was the only one.
And while I could be bitter. While I could sit here and decide all men suck. At the same time I know I was ripping myself off by allowing a guy in my life to take up space in my heart, when he wasn’t willing to give me all of his. And while I don’t fee like I deserved to be treated like crap, I did on some level bring this on myself. That, I think, is really the suckiest part about it.
Excuse me while I go scream in a bucket…
Editor’s Note: For anyone reading this and feeling it hits close to home, know that there is not only light at the end of the tunnel, there is a full, happy and blessed life, with someone who TRULY deserves you. As soon as we no longer hold space for someone unworthy of our love, great things happen. : )
Can anyone relate? Has anyone had a similar experience?
Comments (12)
I think the problem has something to do with cell phones and texting. If a man is living with another woman, he would have difficulty calling to talk with you at late hours, morning hours, Saturday night. If he’s living with another woman, he is probably not spending entire weekends with you. Texting can be done at any time, with the other person sitting across from you at a dinner table or sitting next to you on a couch.
It seems to me you are a loving and trusting person and it is time to decide what YOU want and to not be so trusting. Have you been to his apt? If so, you would have noticed a woman’s things there. Warmly,
Dr. Erica