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My Devina

Hanging Onto The Idea Of A Man

Hanging Onto The Idea Of A Man

From the Dating Archives…

I was recently talking to a girlfriend about a guy I had been dating off and on for the past year.  I told her that recently I had begun to feel like he was just too wrapped up in himself to really see or care what was going on with me.  She said something interesting – she said “I think you were more into the Idea of Him anyway.”  In some ways, maybe she was right.

Here I’d found a guy who interviewed well.  With whom I had phenomenal chemistry. Who was successful and had a fun sense of humor.  But he was hot and cold in his affection and time with me. And as time went on I just got the feeling like he was intentionally holding back and there was nothing I could do about.  Maybe you can relate?

I kept thinking if I just gave him time, he would open up, stop holding on to himself so tightly and just learn to Be. But really – what I was hoping for was a glimpse of a possible him I saw, not the him who was standing in front of me.

So in the end, we broke up. And while my heart was sad for that.  I know it was for the best.  Because what I wanted was the idea of what I knew he could be if he so chose, but not really the man he was.

Have you ever found yourself holding onto the idea of a man, instead of the man himself?

If this blog resonated with you, you might also like: Old vs New







My Devina

My Devina

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Comments (4)

  1. Random GirlAugust 22, 2011
    There is some major truth in this one, girl. It’s the potential that keeps up coming back, the hope that he will be what we know he is capable of being, we are so hopeful that he will see in himself what we see in him but if he chooses not to be that or share that with us, then what? I know the feeling.
  2. Classic NYerAugust 25, 2011
    You know, I think I’m in that situation right now. I met a man on the other side of the country while I was vacationing. He said he was going to fly out to New York to be with me, but not immediately. Now I’m in New York and he’s in California, and I haven’t heard from him in seven days. ::shaking my head::
  3. KimsterOctober 9, 2011
    Unfortunately, my last relationship was somewhat like that. But I wasn’t only seeing what I wanted to see, I was also under the influence of what he had portrayed in the beginning of our relationship; what he demonstrated to “impress me” as he put it. Slowly, however, he started to close up, distance himself physically and emotionally and my heart couldn’t take it. On paper he was the ‘ideal’ guy, but he soon didn’t seem to be too interested in my feelings or the health of our relationship.
    • My Devina
      Michelle@MyDevinaOctober 10, 2011
      Thank you Kim. I understand – and have been there. Very well put!

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