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Dating Around Valentine’s Day: To Give or Not To Give, That Is The Question

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When I was single I dreaded Valentine’s day.  I had the give or not give dilemma so often, some years I just categorically refused to date anyone the weekend of/ around Valentine’s day. First off, even during an official relationship I sometimes have had trouble figuring out what to get a guy. Because I don’t want to give just to give – I want to find something I think he will like or enjoy when I give. So when I had only just begun dating someone I always found this time of year even more difficult.

What is the cut off for bearing gifts around this time exactly? There really doesn’t seem to be one that anyone can categorically site. No one seems to have an answer.  But maybe this will blog will help.

Over the years I had 1st dates bring something. And I had guys I had been dating for a while, but not officially exclusive with bring nothing. So this area was a bit gray and confusing for me.  And from conversations I’ve had with friends, it still is for them too.

Valentine’s Day is a tricky time to date – because there’s so much hoopla attached to the importance of that date. Add to that the fact that you never wanted to make anyone uncomfortable by giving them something when they haven’t brought you something. You might end up with the uncomfortable, “Um, Thanks……Ah…. I forgot your gift on my kitchen counter, I will bring it next week…”  Which confirms 1) you care more than they do and 2) Ouch – you care more than they do.

But of course, what happens if they get you something  and you have gotten them nothing? Or it’s teeny tiny and they went all out????  Well, I don’t know about you but there were times the neurotic part of my brain just had a field day.

Neuroses aside, I would tell anyone who asked me this question – that they should do what’s in their heart.  If they feel like giving something of meaning, than they should give that.  Otherwise don’t.  (Life Axiom #1 – Never do anything out of guilt of obligation.)  If you aren’t sure what’s in your heart, sit with it for a day or two and ask yourself for an answer.

Of course, sometimes the answer is hard to come by, because fear is in the way.  As in “But I really like the guy I just started dating.  And I don’t want to do anything that would/might scare him off. “So the part run by fear is feeling like not giving anything because what if that’s the wrong thing to do???

Luckily there is another question to ask to help sort this out too. (Life Axiom #2 – Avoid Doing Things Out Of Fear.) Therefore, ask yourself, what would you do if you weren’t scared? If fear were not in play?

To which you might say “But Michelle, The part not run by fear can’t be heard – hence my dilemma.”  

To which I would reply – I understand, I have definitely been there. But I’m guessing, you know yourself pretty well, and you seem to want to give him something because you are thinking about it.  And that if you weren’t afraid, you would of course come up with a gift, that meant something to give to him. Even if it is a small, relevant something. Because you like him. A lot.  And that’s the crux of the matter.

However, maybe that isn’t what you heart would say when fear subsides.  I can’t speak for you. So simply allow yourself to be honest, and sit quietly for a few minutes with yourself asking both sets of questions (What would I do if I weren’t afraid? and What does my heart want to do?), you will know the answer that is right for you.

This year I am very blessed to be in a relationship.  And hopefully I will find something for my man that he will like. But in year’s past, when February 14th hit around a time I was sort of in a relationship with but not officially, and I took the advice I struggled with above, everything worked out well – every time (regardless of my decision on the gift).  So thought I’d share in case it helps you in your quest for an answer.

If this blog resonated with you, you might also like:Love Him Or Leave Him Because of His Shoes?

My Devina

My Devina is a site for women. Someone once described our site as being about "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Orgasm." And we would agree. Our goal is to provide a site of of flirty, sometimes controversial, mostly humorous and informative posts written for everyone to enjoy. So regardless if your relationship status is single, divorced, in a relationship, or It's Complicated, has uplifting and fun content for you.

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