My Devina

My Devina

Getting Over A Break Up: He Really Isn’t The Only One

Getting Over A Break Up: He Really Isn’t The Only One

It’s the holidays and unfortunately today that kicked up memories for me of a friend, who’s life would have changed dramatically if she could have allowed herself to believe that there is more than one person/match out there for all of us.

I know sometimes we don’t want to hear it – but when you break up with someone, it’s hard sometimes to remember, or even truly believe that he’s not the only one.  That the mere fact that the two of you aren’t together, actually proves he isn’t the guy for you.

But the heart wants, what the heart wants. And as we get older this can get even more difficult.  Not just because our hearts seem more battered and bruised each time, but because of the amazing sex we feel we are leaving behind.  This get particularly difficult I have noticed, for women in their 30’s when they become much more sexually aware and fulfilled during a relationship.

When I was 31 I started dating a guy and we had sex. I not only had one orgasm during sex, which was a first for me at the time, I had two orgasms during sex.  I put up with that guy for waaaaaaaaaaaaay too long, simply because I was sure the fact that I had two orgasms during sex was a sign that we were meant to be together.

In the romance novels, they always have amazing lovemaking, and they always climax during sex, at the exact same time.  So in the books, this is always one of the signs that the guy is “the one.”

Looking back now, I can hardly believe I ever held that belief.  Because now, I have orgasms so much during sex there are a lot of times I am gasping for breath after we are done.  And sometimes I have trouble getting up even an hour later, because I am so physically exhausted from all the pleasure my body received.  And yet, in my early 30’s I put up with crap from a guy, because I was so convinced our chemistry dictated he was “the one” all because he gave me 2 orgasms during sex.

A few years ago, a girlfriend of mine was struggling with a similar relationship. She was very depressed because the man she was dating, was cheating on her with someone else and eventually left her completely.  My friend felt that she would never find someone else who would make her orgasm during sex.  I tired to explain to her, and promise her, that the next guy she was with, would actually be even better.  Because it wasn’t the guy – it was her. Her body was coming into it’s own in her 30’s and this is why she had the reactions she did.  I also explain that the next guy, if she chose one who cared about her, and was willing to be open emotionally with her – and vulnerable with her – their sex together, would be so much better than the guy she was hung up on.  But she couldn’t believe me.  And unfortunately, after months struggling with depression, she took her own life.

Girls, women, ladies – please please please believe me when I say – Just because you had great amazing chemistry with a guy – does NOT mean he is/was your only chance at love and a great sex life.  Trust me, and the many other women on this planet who have been where you are right now, and have been lucky enough to move forward, and find amazing sex with someone else.  A good portion of the reason any woman has a response to a guy, is because her body is ready and willing to receive it.  The guy, yes he’s important, but no one guy has the exclusive and only key to your body.  There is and will be a line of men (if you so choose) waiting and capable of making your body sing in ways you can at this point in time only image.  Yes each one will make it play a slightly different tune.  And each one can rock your world in ways it’s never rocked before.  And in all likelihood each lover will actually be much better than the one before. But only if you trust yourself enough to let go of the guy so unworthy of you, and step forward into a new song with one who is.

As Buckminster Fuller use to say “God doesn’t give you just a lick of the ice cream, he wants you to have the whole cone.”

Here’s a story about a guy who turned out to really BE the one, but I could only have him once I let the other idea of a man go: An Awesome Date

My Devina

My Devina is a site for women. Someone once described our site as being about "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Orgasm." And we would agree. Our goal is to provide a site of of flirty, sometimes controversial, mostly humorous and informative posts written for everyone to enjoy. So regardless if your relationship status is single, divorced, in a relationship, or It's Complicated, has uplifting and fun content for you.

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