Sensate touch was first discussed by Masters & Johnson as a way to help individuals and couples experiencing many types of sexual challenges – like lack of interest, trouble orgasming, and early ejaculation. And in it’s most basic form, one partner touches the other’s body, avoiding genital areas, and without the intent of arousing their partner – only with the intent of allowing their partner to relax in their touch and experience sensations throughout their body. (For individuals, the idea is the same, but they are touching themselves in order to become better acquainted with the sensations of their body.)
Sometimes, when couples are not connecting as they once did, and one of them isn’t feeling the drive the had before, sex counselors will suggest sensate touch – with no possibility for actual sex as the agreed outcome, to take the pressure off the situation, but also to enable the focus to be back on what it’s all about anyway – the connection between two people. However, another way to use sensate touch, is as a way to tease and torture your partner. And to connect. You can take turns on the same night or different nights.
It can result in orgasm or not. But the goal is not orgasm. The goal is feeling alive. Being connected. For the one being touched to feel their skin, their body and themselves more fully. And for the one giving the touch to connect with their partner by seeing their reactions to various touch, and to revel in that connection and that ability to make their lover feel sooooo good. Since this play date isn’t about therapy, it doesn’t always have to be without sex. Last night my partner did sensate touch to me after sex. Because he wanted to see my body respond – since I am even more sensitive to touch after sex. The night before I did sensate touch on him that eventually led to sex.
We have found it’s a great tool to use when one of us needs to feel very connected to the other. We then tell that partner we want to just kiss and caress them for a while. It’s a great way to spoil your partner for a bit. And also a great way to connect. But most of all, it’s fun. I love the feeling I get when I see my man shiver under my touch. And I know he feels the same when he does that to me.
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