My Devina

My Devina

Take Back The Night – Rape Victim No More

Take Back The Night – Rape Victim No More

I was walking in my neighborhood late afternoon – and a neighbor I have never seen before flagged me down quite urgently. She told me that a woman after work was out jogging less than a mile away and was attacked by a man. She escaped – but never the less – it happened in a very well light, high traffic area in my neighborhood. In a very brazen way.

So now I’m sitting here, in my house not wanting to go outside. I came back from my walk and made sure all my windows and doors were locked and set the alarm on my front door. At 5pm at night no less. And now I need to go to the grocery store, but I am afraid….

Even though I have cleared the rapes of my past – hearing this news triggered something. I think because it was such a brazen act. In the open, in what most would consider a relatively safe, high traffic area.

It reminds me of when I lived in Vegas, and there was a rapist on the loose there. I worked late nights, and multiple times on nights when I would have been coming home in the early morning hours, instead I would get this feeling – to go to my boyfriend’s and sleep at his place. Each time that happened I would honor that feeling. And each time that feeling came, my roommates would tell me the next morning that the helicopters had been out looking for someone in our neighborhood. And one of those times a woman a few doors down from me was raped in her apartment.

So the other part of me feels like I’ll be OK. That my intuition, when I pay attention to it, has been quite true to me. And I also know I have a fight in me I did not use to have. I no longer see myself as victim. And I now see myself, my body, and my life as things worth fighting for and protecting.

Even so, getting this news, it makes me feel so very not at-cause over my life. I’m sitting here in my place. My safe haven. The place I have carefully and lovingly created to be my retreat from the world. The exceedingly safe place I created after dating those abusive, scary assholes of my twenties. And tonight I’ve made myself hostage – inside – not wanting to go out.

Obviously I can’t feel like this forever. But for tonight. I’m going to stay inside and I will see if there are any feelings or thoughts popping up that I can learn and grow from. But then tomorrow – I will take back the night. Even if it is a quick trip to the store at dusk, a new can of pepper spray in hand…

(Art courtesy for www.etsy.com/Shop/ArtfullWorld)

In keeping with these theme What Would You Do If You Weren’t Afraid? A favorite question to ask myself, and my thoughts on it.







My Devina

My Devina

My Devina is a site for women. Someone once described our site as being about "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Orgasm." And we would agree. Our goal is to provide a site of of flirty, sometimes controversial, mostly humorous and informative posts written for everyone to enjoy. So regardless if your relationship status is single, divorced, in a relationship, or It's Complicated, www.MyDevina.com has uplifting and fun content for you.

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