My Devina

Dating Over 30: Part of Your World, Part of Mine, or Both?

You know that song from The Little Mermaid – where she sings about wanting to be part of her Prince’s world? For so long that was me – always wanting to be part of the man I was dating’s world. But never thinking about needing him to truly be part of mine.

Then one day I had a light bulb moment and decided that the guy I’m dating should be measured by the same criteria as any other friend. And that for many many years, this had not been the case. I was always a part of my man’s world. But never, did it even occur to me, that he in turn should be equally a part of mine.

The cool thing is, after realizing the above I began dating a guy who literally said to me – “Why are you so hung up on someone who wants you to merge into their life, instead of seeing in front of you a man who wants to be a part of your life?” And he meant it.

I think for the longest time I got a little confused. I felt that a man who wanted to be a part of my life, would end up being controlling and taking over my life. (Because that is what controlling abusive jerks in my past had done.) I mistook their control for interest. So I opted instead to be part of my man’s life, and then kept my own life separate. But invariable, I still lost myself. Because when someone else wants you to literally merge into their life, with no compensation on their part to merge into yours, you loose your life anyway.

But being part of someone’s world, and in turn having them be a part of yours. I am liking this idea and experience much better. It’s more give and take. It’s equal footing and it’s interesting. And no longer am I thinking that I have to somhow define my life and my lifestyle by the man I’m going to be with/ marry. Instead I have my life, I have my lifestyle, and if the guy I’m with wants to be a part of that, then great. We will build a life and a lifestyle that suites us both – and it will be much better for the integration.

What do you think? Have you ever lost yourself in a relationship?

My Devina

My Devina is a site for women. Someone once described our site as being about "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Orgasm." And we would agree. Our goal is to provide a site of of flirty, sometimes controversial, mostly humorous and informative posts written for everyone to enjoy. So regardless if your relationship status is single, divorced, in a relationship, or It's Complicated, www.MyDevina.com has uplifting and fun content for you.