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That C-Word – Communication Inside Relationship

That C-Word – Communication Inside Relationship

From the Dating Archives….

For years, people have always been giving me advice whenever I felt stuck or irritated about something happening in my relationship.  “Just tell him the truth” they’d say.

“Haha  yeah right” – was always what I thought.

Somewhere along the line I had decided it was OK for a guy to tell me what he needed, but it was really high risk for me to tell a guy what I wanted and needed. I had a tough time communicating while inside a relationship with a guy I cared about and really liked, because I was afraid I would tell him something, he wouldn’t like what he heard, and he would leave.

Granted.  This is a possibility.  But in reality, not as large and as looming a possibility as I had imagined.  And I have begun to realize that even when a guy does disengage, because of my communication, he always comes back.

So finally, a few days ago I successfully had a conversation with a man I was actively inside a relationship with – and I did so without fear of retribution or loss.  I realize that he wasn’t ecstatic to have been told how I perceived his actions.  But he accepted the conversation.  Took it in, and acknowledged what was said.  And even apologized for making me feel less than a priority.  Which wasn’t even what I was after – I just needed to be heard and to explain what I needed in order to not feel that way in the future.

So yes, communication, that is the key.  But when we communicate or do not communicate because we are coming from a place of fear of abandonment, or retribution, or loss of connectivity its harder to do so effectively, and without emotional charge. And it is more likely to result in a fight instead of a discussion.

But I think it’s worth the continued effort.  Because eventually we do get better at communicating.  And in the process, our needs are better met by our partner and vice versa.

What do you think? Do you find it easy or hard to communicate with your partner?

For a completely different way to communicate with your partner see our post on Sensate Touch


My Devina

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