The Old v.s. The New
Single Life
Photo by D Sharon Pruitt “Hearts”
From the Dating Archives…
So I’ve been seeing my ex-boyfriend now one and off for over 3 years. During our official relationship we were not best friends, and our sex life was good but lacked some trust. After our breakup – and time passing – we became best friends and our sex life was awesome.
This makes it hard to be in another relationship – because I am always comparing the companionship and just the knowing we have about what makes each other tick, with whomever I’m currently dating.
It’s hard, I think, to get to a deep level of honesty and trust without time. I think it takes going through good, bad, sometimes awful times together with another person before deep trust can be fostered.
At the same time, my ex has a tendency to bail when the going gets even a little tough. Which is of course not good for me (I need and expect more).
On the plus side – a new relationship is a chance to get to know someone and let them get to know you. It is also a scary thing. To let someone in, is the only way they will know you.
Years ago, after my ex-fiance and I had broken up, I was really upset about something that had happened at work. And I remember thinking, if I was with my ex fiance – he would have known to take me to my favorite shop for some gelato, to cheer me up. But the new guy – he didn’t suggest that. Not because he wouldn’t have, but because he didn’t know. At first I was like – “see this means he’s not it!” But then I realized, it was simply that the new guy didn’t have time in with me – and that all I needed to do was share what I needed, and then he would give me what I needed. Which honestly is probably much easier than when I was with my ex fiance and I didn’t know what I needed, and the poor guy had to figure it out!
So maybe bringing in the new means an opportunity to know ourselves better – to articulate what we need better. And to leave enough room in there for the new guy to establish some rituals or routines with us that are unique to our relationship and our style of communication and being.
What do you think?
If this post resonated with you, you might also like: Hangng Onto The Idea Of A Man
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