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Releasing Trauma – Healing From Rape / Sexual Assault

Releasing Trauma – Healing From Rape / Sexual Assault

In previous posts, I have referenced that I experienced multiple experiences of sexual trauma in my past. The details are not important – I am one of so many women who have experienced similar, or worse. My point in sharing is to try and light the way, provide hope to those just beginning. So I wanted to share my path – in case that helps anyone else.

I began my healing process by going to see a psychologist. She then referred me to the head of her department (this was during college) and the woman who became my therapist for over a year was very helpful in helping me just come to grips with what had happened and to remember what I could. Unfortunately, after leaving college, I did not run into any therapist that were very helpful. This didn’t mean I stopped trying, but nothing helped. The mental health industry had this idea that I would always be a victim. That I could not get away from what happened. That it would always be there, haunting me.

Not the most uplifting of prognosis. And from where I’m standing now – so very unhelpful and incorrect.

After that I started trying to find answers myself. A friend’s mom gave me a book written by a woman who called herself a survivor of rape. The author explained in detail her attack, and also her healing. It gave me hope. It also shared an idea I needed to have verbalized – that helped me see that I saw the penis as a weapon – as something that could hurt me. It was almost it’s own identity – separate from my lover and something I did not trust. Needless to say, my sex life was impacted.

For years after that I just looked for answers on my own. Occasionally I would go to a therapist, sit on their couch and gain …. nothing. I did mentally move to a place where I removed the “victim” text from my language. I moved onto seeing myself as a “survivor.” But still, for me this was not total healing. Although for a long time I thought that was as good as it would get.

Then I found two alternative treatments that I found which worked for me and truly healed me. The first was working with a clearing practitioner to let go of the memories I could remember in detail. For me clearing is a way to access the subconscious – and literally let go of the things deep inside. Since things get really stuck inside the subconscious during times of trauma (the conscious mind shuts down during times of trauma, so there is no filter) – clearing allows a trained practitioner to help someone access the event and let go of all of the energy/ pain/ limiting beliefs created in that moment etc. This helped me immensely. As did the love and support of my boyfriend at the time who helped me get to that point.
The second treatment might seem a little more “out there” but it was such a non-painful process, I wish I had had the opportunity sooner. I went to someone trained as a shaman. I didn’t even go to see him for this, but it happened anyway. During my healing session – those memories I had repressed were released – without me needing to do anything more than let them go. There was no painful, horrible, scary dredging up of the past. Instead there was just a knowing release. And as a result I was no longer afraid of waking up in the middle of night from a “nightmare” and I no longer have charge around those incidents.

During the period of finding alternative ways to heal, I also spent time getting to know myself sexually. I actually looked at myself for the first time. And whenever I caught myself thinking derogatory thoughts about “down there” I would try to simply recognize the thought, and then choose another more positive one to replace it.

Was it an easy road? No, not at times it was not. Was it worth it? Very much so, yes. I now have for the first time in my life the ability to easily orgasm. I now enjoy my partner very much. And I no longer feel like whenever I am in bed with a man that I have to drag all this past into my present. My past is simply the past. Where it belongs. Which allows me to be in the present, happy and healed. Oh, and I don’t think of myself as any kind of label any more – I’m not a “victim” or “survivor” of sexual abuse/ assault. I simply am me.

What about you – have you found anything that helped you heal and recover after being raped or sexually assaulted? Anything you would care to share?

If you can related to this article, and would like to read another, See Take Back The Night, A Victim No More

My Devina

My Devina is a site for women. Someone once described our site as being about "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Orgasm." And we would agree. Our goal is to provide a site of of flirty, sometimes controversial, mostly humorous and informative posts written for everyone to enjoy. So regardless if your relationship status is single, divorced, in a relationship, or It's Complicated, has uplifting and fun content for you.

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